Laugh for your health.
Mullah Nasruddin jokes from Osho
Applicants for a job on a dam had to take a written examination, the first question of which was,”What does hydrodynamics mean?” Mullah Nasruddin, one of the applicants for the job, looked at this, then wrote against it: ”it means I Don’t get job.”
Mullah Nasruddin walked upto the police sergeant’s desk. ”Officer you’d better lock me up,” he said. ”I just hit my wife on the head with a beer bottle.” ”Did you kill her?” asked the officer.
”Don’t think so,” said Nasruddin. ”that’s why I want you to lock me up.”
The boss told Mullah Nasruddin that if he could not get to work on time, he would be fired. So the Mullah went to the doctor, who gave him a pill. The Mullah took the pill, slept well, and was awake before he heard the alarm clock. He dressed and ate breakfast leisurely.
Later he strolled into the office, arriving half an hour before his boss. When the boss came in, the Mullah said: ”Well, I didn’t have any trouble getting up this morning.”
”That’s good,” said Mullah Nasruddin’s boss, ”But where were you yesterday?”
One Thursday night, Mullah Nasruddin came home to supper. His wife served him baked beans. He threw his plate of beans against the wall and shouted, ”I hate baked beans.”
”Mullah, I can’t figure you out,” his wife said, ”Monday night you liked baked beans, Tuesday night you liked baked beans, Wednesday night you liked baked beans and now, all of a sudden, on Thursday night, you say you hate baked beans.”
Mullah Nasruddin had a house on the United States-Canadian border. No one knew whether the house was in the United States or Canada. It was decided to appoint a committee to solve the problem. After deciding it was in the United States, Mullah Nasruddin leaped with joy. ”HURRAH!” he shouted, ”Now I don’t have to suffer from those terrible Canadian winters!”
A patrolman was about to write a speeding ticket, when a woman in the back seat began shouting at Mullah Nasruddin, ”There! I told you to watch out. But you kept right on. Getting out of line, not blowing your horn, passing stop streets, speeding, and everything else. Didn’t I tell you, you’d get caught? Didn’t I? Didn’t I?”
”Who is that woman?” the patrolman asked.
”My wife,” said the Mullah.
”Drive on,” the patrolman said. ”you have been Punished enough.”
It was after the intermission at the theatre, and Mullah Nasruddin and his wife were returning to their seats. ”Did I step on your feet as I went out?” the Mullah asked a man at the end of the row. ”You certainly did,” said the man awaiting an apology.
Mullah Nasruddin turned to his wife, ”it’s all right, darling,” he said. ”This is our row.”
Mullah Nasruddin complained to the doctor about the size of his bill.
”But, Mullah,” said the doctor, ”You must remember that I made eleven visits to your home for you.”
”Yes,” said Nasruddin, ”but you seem to be forgetting that I infected the whole neighbourhood.”
Mullah Nasruddin complained to the health department about his brothers. ”I have got six brothers,” he said. ”We all live in one room. They have too many pets. One has twelve monkeys and another has twelve dogs. There’s no air in the room and it’s terrible! You have got to do something about it.”
”Have you got windows?” asked the man at the health department.
”Yes,” said the Mullah.
”Why don’t you open them?” he suggested.
”What?” yelled Nasruddin, ”and lose all my pigeons?”
Mullah Nasruddin was looking over greeting cards.
The salesman said, ”Here’s a nice one – To the only girl I ever loved.”
”wonderful,” said Nasruddin. ”I will take six.”
Mullah Nasruddin and his wife were sitting on a bench in the park one evening just at dusk. Without knowing that they were close by, a young man and his girl friend sat down at a bench on the other side of a hedge. Almost immediately, the young man began to talk in the most loving manner imaginable.
”He does not know we are sitting here,” Mullah Nasruddin’s wife whispered to her husband. ”It sounds like he is going to propose to her. I think you should cough or something and warn him.”
”Why should I warn him?” asked Nasruddin. ”Nobody warned me.”
”What was the argument between you and your father-in-law, Nasruddin?” asked a friend. ”I didn’t mind, when he wore my hat, coat, shoes and suit, BUT WHEN HE SAT DOWN AT THE DINNER TABLE AND LAUGHED AT ME WITH MY OWN TEETH – THAT WAS TOO MUCH,” said Mullah Nasruddin.
The audience was questioning Mullah Nasruddin who had just spoken on big game hunting in Africa. ”Is it true,” asked one, ”that wild beasts in the jungle won’t harm you if you carry a torch?”
”THAT ALL DEPENDS,” said Nasruddin ”ON HOW FAST YOU CARRY IT.”
Mullah Nasruddin and his wife on a safari cornered a lion. But the lion fooled them; instead of standing his ground and fighting, the lion took to his heels and escaped into the underbush.
Mullah Nasruddin terrified very much, was finally asked to stammer out to his wife, ”YOU GO AHEAD AND SEE WHERE THE LION HAS GONE, AND I WILL TRACE BACK AND SEE WHERE HE CAME FROM.”